Daytime Skill-Building for Bedtime Success
If you’ve ever worked with a learner who is reported to “fall asleep fine” — but then wakes up multiple times a night — you know just how challenging sleep problems can be. In these cases, we often focus on bedtime routines and strategies to encourage independent sleep, but we might be missing one crucial piece of the puzzle: daytime skill-building.
For many autistic learners, the root issue isn’t just about the wakings, it’s about the lack of independent separation from caregivers during the day, and then needing caregivers to be present at bedtime. If a child clings to a caregiver during the day, refusing to be alone for even a few seconds, it’s no surprise they struggle when that same caregiver tries to leave the room after tucking them in at night. Let’s dig into why teaching healthy separation during the day could be the magic bullet to solving those night wakings.
Why Daytime Separation Matters for Nighttime Sleep
Many families think that if they simply stick to a calming bedtime routine, sleep will follow. But for learners who have never practiced separation, suddenly expecting them to sleep alone in a dark room can feel impossible. The result? Escalations in behavior, sleepless nights, and a frustrated family.
Here’s the thing: falling asleep independently at night is a skill—and like any skill, it needs to be built up gradually, with plenty of practice during the day. If a child is a “stage-5 clinger” (you know the kind—the child who follows caregivers everywhere, even to the bathroom!), they’re likely going to struggle at bedtime when the caregiver leaves the room. But there’s good news: you can help the family practice small moments of separation throughout the day to set the stage for independent falling asleep at night.
Teaching Healthy Separation
Teaching separation during the day can be done in a predictable, gradual way. Start with short intervals, like having the caregiver say, "I'll be right back," followed by a 3-5 second absence, and then slowly increase the amount of time they’re apart. These small, consistent steps teach the child that it’s safe for the caregiver to leave and that they’ll always return. Over time, this practice builds the foundation for the child to tolerate the caregiver leaving at bedtime without tears or fear.
When you approach it this way, you’re essentially helping the child develop trust in the system of separation—knowing that when the caregiver leaves, they’re not really gone, and they’ll be back soon. This practice during the day can lead to fewer behavioral escalations at bedtime and better quality sleep at night.
It’s also important to recognize that bedtime shouldn’t be the only time we’re asking learners to perform a specific set of skills. For many learners, bedtime becomes a pressure-filled environment because they are being asked to do things they haven’t practiced consistently during the day. Consider the following:
Following a structured routine: If the bedtime routine is the only time the learner is expected to follow a set sequence of tasks, they may resist it. Practice structured routines during the day, like after-school activities or pre-dinner steps, to reinforce this skill.
Terminating screen time: We all know how challenging it can be to turn off screens. If the only time this happens is right before bed, it becomes a battle. Help families practice turning off screens at different points in the day to reduce bedtime resistance.
Calming down: Bedtime is often the only time a learner is expected to calm their body after a busy, high-energy day. Instead of relying solely on the bedtime routine, incorporate calm-down activities (like deep breathing or quiet play) throughout the day.
Being alone in their room: If the child never spends time alone in their room during the day, expecting them to do so at bedtime can be overwhelming. Encourage families to create moments where the learner can play independently in their room during the day.
Being still and quiet: Bedtime can feel like a big leap if it’s the only time the learner is expected to stay still and quiet. Incorporate quiet moments into the day where the learner practices stillness in a comfortable environment, especially if that learner spends much of their day in physical motion (think: the engine that runs hot from morning ‘til night!)
Setting the Stage for Better Nights
Ultimately, bedtime behaviors are a reflection of daytime skills. If we expect learners to fall asleep naturally, awake, alone, and in the dark, we need to ensure they’re practicing the prerequisite skills throughout the day. By teaching healthy separation and incorporating small moments of independence, we can set our learners up for more restful nights—and happier, healthier days.
Are you ready to help your learners (and their families) find better sleep solutions? This is where the science of sleep intersects with the principles of ABA, and we, as BCBAs, are in a unique position to make a real difference. If you’d like to dive deeper into evidence-based sleep interventions, consider joining The Sleep Collective certification program to enhance your skills and offer specialized sleep support.
Enrollment for the next cohort is almost at capacity! Remember, November is your last chance to lock in 2024 prices before they increase in 2025.
Let’s talk about how this certification can benefit your practice and the families you serve. Schedule a free discovery call with me today!
